In connection with the growing popularity of "edible gifts" - all kinds of "bouquets", baskets and sets, it happened in me and my Zen colleagues, a small discussion: is it obligatory for the person who received this gift to immediately put it on table?
And, of course, opinions were divided. Someone is sure that the gift must be displayed immediately, because “the guests also want it, and how it is, the person gave it - and will not try,” and the rules of etiquette require that you do just that.
Anyone who does not do this is a redneck, not otherwise.,
and someone claims - a gift is a gift, and no one is obliged to exhibit anything. It is necessary to clearly distinguish between "guest offering to the table" and "gift" - these are two different things. And they also cite excerpts from books on etiquette.
Don Brian, in "Secular Etiquette" says that for a dinner party you need to send or bring a small gift to the host - but not the one that will be delivered on the table (there is no definition of edible or not, so it does not resolve the dispute), however, one can suspect that even if the gift is edible, put it on the table it is forbidden.
Tatyana Belousova, in the book "Complete set of rules for secular and business communication" writes:
- As a sign of affection, you can present the hostess with flowers, the owner can give a gift bottle of good alcohol, a box of cigars. Other symbolic tokens of attention are also possible, including the presentation of any food products: premium tea or coffee, a set of sweets or a box of excellent desserts. Such offerings are gifts and will not be displayed on the table.
And, as it seems to me, the whole dispute here arises from the initial definition - is it a gift or is it just a present?
When I go on a visit, I can bring cheese or alcohol with me, which does not require any specific accompaniment. But this will not be a gift in any way. This will be a treat.
If the event involves the giving of gifts, then the gift itself goes on a separate line. That is, products are a kind of addition. And it is immediately clear that this is an addition to the table.
If suddenly a situation occurs that you will have to give an "edible gift" as the only one (well, you never know, let's say a set of tea or coffee, the same cheese, collectible alcohol - then wait for it to be laid out on the table for all guests, simply stupid. Whether they tried it or not, these are the problems of guests only. Such gifts are not brought to the table, these are gifts - what is intended personally for the gifted person is chosen especially for him, and to pretend to "try", even if you really want to - bad manners just from the outside guests.
Well, and also - to give food as the only gift, not a present, and at the same time pretend to use them... There is in this what is called "cleverness", don't you think? The same greediness, in which they reproach those who do not immediately put what is presented to the table for everyone.
What do you think?